


The Family Business

by deadp0et



Category: Supernatural, destiel - Fandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-30
Updated: 2016-11-05
Packaged: 2018-08-27 15:24:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8406889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deadp0et/pseuds/deadp0et
Summary: Hi! Enjoy.





	1. Pilot

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Enjoy.

_Castiel's P.O.V. . ._

 

"Ahh, fuck." I winced as I observed the deep bruise that was painted onto my ribs. I lightly dragged my fingertips across it, but the pain was too much. Breathing even hurt. I continued staring at the sea of blacks, blues, and deep purples. The pain was overwhelming; I somehow managed to keep myself up on two feet. Maybe I should go to the hospital..I thought about that for a moment. I could have broken ribs..

"Hey, Kiddo," My Dad, Lucifer (his real name was Nick, but Lucifer is what I always called him), walking into my room. I let my shirt drop back down and tried to keep the fact that I was in pain, hidden. "There's someone here to see you." He gave me..that look, the suspicious on. "Come down stairs." And with that, he left, shutting the door behind him.

I pulled my shirt back up and observed the bruise for only a couple more moments. "How am I supposed to cover this up?

"Castiel, come on." Lucifer called to me from down the steps.

"Coming." I called back as I dropped my shirt again, grabbing my phone off of the bed. I trotted down the stairs, stopping as I saw someone standing in the living room. My breath caught in my chest. "Dean?" He turned around to face me and he offered something that resembled a smile. "What.." Now I felt like I couldn't breathe, and it wasn't from my bruised ribs. "Why..."

"Hiya, Cas."

"What are you..I-" I was a a loss for words. "I don't understand."

"Well, Sam said he was going to head over here and talk to you..so I thought that would be the perfect opportunity to come by and say hello.." he paused for a second, "I wanted to come by so I could see you."

Without missing a beat, I walked down the rest of the stairs and opened the front door. "Leave."

"Cas-"

"Don't call me that!" I hissed at him. "Just go."

"Castiel," Lucifer looked surprised, "I don't understand-"

I rolled my eyes and dragged Dean out onto the porch, shutting the door behind me. I started talking because I knew Dean would try and talk his way out of this. "You cannot do this...no, scratch that. You do not get to do this to me. You left, alright? That was all you. I was the one stuck here wondering what I did wrong for the past 7 months, Dean. You sprung your..family business, or whatever it's called, on me and then a week later, you disappeared. No one knew where you were. Hell, you could've been dead for all I knew." I stopped for a brief second. "You weren't there for me when I needed you. When my parents-" my voice cracked as a lump of emotion crawled its way up my throat. "You left, Dean." I took in a couple of shaky, shallow breaths. "So, no. You don't just get to...show up, here, again. You don't get to do that." I was shocked when he pulled me into a hug. All of the pain I was feeling seemed to dissipate. I wanted to so badly to be able to push him away and tell him to leave me alone. But I couldn't. I wrapped my arms around him and started sobbing. 

"Shhh, it's okay." He stroked my head as I shook, just like he would when I was upset..before he left. "I'm here now." Being back in his arms again felt so..euphoric. "I'm so sorry that I left you, I didn't have a choice. And believe me...I wanted nothing more than to be able to take you with me. Bobby and I argued about it for over two hours, but ultimately, Bobby was right. I would've put you in danger, and I couldn't have you getting hurt because I wanted to be selfish and have you by my side."

I finally pulled away and wiped my eyes. "You could've written me a letter, or something, anything, so I knew that you were alive and not dead in a ditch somewhere.

"I couldn't," he gave me a warm look. "You would have came looking for me, and that could not happen."

"You walked away, Dean. You walked away!" My chest was throbbing. "You can't just..come back here and expect me to welcome you with open arms." A couple of tears slid down my cheeks.

"I don't expect that at all, Castiel. I know what I did was wrong and I know that my actions hurt you. I'm not denying that." He watched me intently. "I am so very sorry for doing what I did to you."

"Why did you leave" Part of me didn't want to know.

"Cas, please don't-"

"No, Dean. I want to know." I put a metaphorical foot down.

He was hesitant for a moment. "Bobby tracked down the demon that killed my mom."

"What?" My eyes went wide.

"He tracked yellow eyes down but wasn't 100 percent about the whole situation, he told me and we just packed up and left." We were both silent for a moment or two. "Do you see why I couldn't tell you now? It would have put you into so much avoidable danger."

"Did you kill him..?"

He nodded. "We finally caught up to the ungodly thing a little over a week ago."

"At least John can rest a little easier now."

"Yeah." He nibbled on his bottom lip for a moment. "How are you doing...with everything?"

"You mean my parents dying? You can say it, don't walk on eggshells." He nodded. "And I'm honestly not doing that great. I'm so lost. It's like I don't know which way is up and which way is down anymore. I keep expecting to see my Dad in the garage working on that stupid boat that he spent most of his time on, and I expect to see my mom every morning when I wake up and I expect to see the both of them, together, every single night when we used to do family dinner, things are supposed to be getting easier but they aren't, they've only gotten harder."

"I'm sor-"

"And you know who was there for me every single day when I couldn't even pull myself out of bed because I was crying so hard?" He awaited my answer. "Sam, Dean. Sam was there for me when I nearly jumped in front of a train because I couldn't take the pain anymore, Sam was there for me when I cried myself to sleep every single night. Sam was there for me, Dean. You weren't." He finally looked like he understood what I was telling him.

"Okay, Cas..." His voice was barely above a whisper. He took two steps towards me and I took one back. He let out a short sigh and took in an unsteady breath. "I love you." Those three words seem to fall out of his mouth. And with that, he walked away.

"Oh god." I slowly fell to my knees as I gripped onto my chest. All of the hurt and pain I had felt these past couple of months seemed to flood through me all at once. It felt like my heart was shattering inside of my chest and the debris had punctured a lung. I couldn't say anything, I couldn't breathe. I couldn't even cry.  
*****  
I rolled over in bed and flopped onto my back. My head was pounding and I was nauseous. I brought my hand to my forehead. "Jesus god," I let my hand fall and it hit a bottle of jack daniels. An empty bottle of jack daniels. I only sighed, rolling back over and deciding to fall back asleep. I was slowly drifting off when my door was pushed open, and the artificial light poured into the room, even with my eyes closed, the light still cut through my eyelids like glass. "Shut the damn door."

"Sorry, Cassie." It was Gabe, my 15 year old brother. "I didn't mean to hurt you.." He shut the door behind him, it didn't even slam and my head still throbbed. "I just came in here to tell you that Sam came by and said he's been calling you all day and he really needs to talk to you."

"He's been trying to call me all day? What time is it?"

"11 in the evening."

"Fuck." I sighed inwardly. "I'll call him back in a little bit. I just need some time to wake up."

"Okay, he said it was urgent." With that, Gabe walked out and as soon as I heard the door lightly click shut, I forced myself up out of bed and stumbled my way over to my desk, where my lamp, and hopefully my phone, was. I felt around for the light switch, and flipped it up, immediately regretting it as the light pierced my eyes, causing me to hiss. Damnit, Castiel. I mentally scolded myself as I looked around for my phone, once I found it, I turned it on. 23 missed calls, all from Sam. "Jesus christ, Sammy." I shook my head and clicked his name, calling him back. The phone rang three times before he answered.

"Castiel-"

"23 calls? I'm hung over, not dead." I lightly chuckled. When I didn't hear Sam chuckle back, I stopped. "Sam, is everything okay?"

"Get to St. Anthony's north as soon as possible."

"Why?" My heart rate sped up. "What happened? Is John okay?"

"John is fine. Cas, it's Dean..." Without another word, I hung up and quickly got dressed, then grabbed my car keys off of my nightstand and headed out to the car.  
When I got to the hospital, I rushed in through the automatic doors, finding the front desk almost right away. "Excuse me..I'm uhhh, I'm here for Dean Winchester. I don't know when he came in but-"

"Are you a family member?"

"N-no, I'm not..I'm his," I stopped for a second. _What was I?_

"Well, I'm sorry but if you aren't family, I legally cannot give you any information on this patient unless one of his family members okays it first." She hadn't bothered to look up at me even once.

"His brother..Sam, he's here. Just...page him here or something." I was becoming more and more anxious by the minute. "Please just...tell me how he's doing. Please." I felt tears stinging the back of my eyes. I saw the lady roll her eyes as she began typing something into her desktop. "His name is Dean Winchester, middle initial is J.." After a couple of seconds, she finally looked up at me, sympathy washing over her face. "What? What is it?"

"Sir, I'm so sorry-"

She was cut off by the elevator door's opening and Sam walking out, "Castiel." He looked like he had been crying. "Cas, come over here. We need to talk." His voice was noticeably shaking. I nibbled on my bottom lip as I made my way over to him. As each dreadful step went by, I knew what was coming. I was trying to prepare myself. "Castiel...Dean, he..there was just...the doctors did everything they could but all of the swelling in his brain..his body just couldn't take it. He died at 10;59." The way you see people react on TV when they're told that a loved one is dead..it's nothing like how it actually happens. You can see them, and you can tell that they're in some amount of pain, but you can't feel it. Here, in this moment, I felt it. This kind of pain, it wasn't just mental. It had become a physical alignment as well. I couldn't move, I couldn't think, everything had just become...numb. "Castiel, are you alright?" Sam gave me a questioning look. I just stared at him. "You're going to be okay, Cas. You will be, we will be." He placed his hand on my shoulder and I looked over at it, not feeling a thing.

"Yeah." I pushed his hand away and turned around, slinking back to my car, it was still on. I had left the keys in the ignition. I sat in the driver's seat and thought for a minute. _This can't be happening_...then I thought about it a little bit harder. _I can do something_..I quickly put the car in drive and sped off.  
*****  
I started digging a whole in the middle of the road I was on, quickly placing the box in, which contained a photo of myself, some graveyard dirt, and the bone of a black cat. I buried it with my hands and packed the dirt down a little bit. Standing up, there was dirt stains on the knees of my jeans, but that honestly didn't matter right now, in this moment. I had never done this sort of thing before, I only saw Dean do it once three days after he told me about what his family did for a living. But oddly enough, I wasn't even scared. I was ready. "Daemon, esto subjecto voluntati meae." There wasn't a puff of smoke or a loud crack of thunder, the air went still for a moment. Until suddenly, a..person..showed up, out of no where. He looked seemingly normal, the last one I saw had pure black eyes.

"Would you look at that? Dean's boy toy." The demon grinned mockingly. "Just heard about him, by the way. My condolences." I scowled. "I'm going to have so much fun dismantling him when he gets to hell.." I charged at her and she put her hand up, I stopped almost immediately. She twisted her hand and suddenly I felt like my body was closing up on my insides. I fell to my knees.

"W-wait," my voice came out coarsely and splotchy. "I want to make a deal." The pain stopped almost instantly and I sucked in a deep, and much needed, breath.

"A deal, huh?" She licked her lips like she was looking at her dinner. "What kind?"

"I'll do anything you want me to..just save Dean." I stood up, straightening my body. 

"Interesting," she took a couple of steps closer to me, putting her hand out unexpectedly. "I'm Meg." I hesitantly took it.

"So do we have a deal?"

"Hold your horses," she let go and seemed to be thinking. "As much as I would love to have you as a slave," she looked me up and down like a piece of meat, "that's a little bit of an un-fair deal, don't you think?"

I tried to think of something she wanted, "I'll give you my soul."

"Hmmm," she grinned ear to ear. "Now we're talkin." She circled me. "Oh boy, my boss is sure going to love being able to torture the soul of the boy who's dating Dean Winchester..seeing as how Deano killed his beloved." I wanted to correct her and say that Dean and I weren't dating but I figured it would be pointless. "Fine. Your soul in exchange for his."

"H-how much time will I have?" I honestly didn't even care, as long as Dean got more time.

"I'll give you..." She circled around back in front of me. "Two years."

"How do we seal it?"

She placed her hands on both of my cheeks and kissed me. "Like that." And with that, she disappeared. I looked around, making sure she was in fact gone. Once I was sure, I headed back to the car, sitting down; unsure of what I had just done. When my phone rang, I jumped.

"Jesus god," I reached into the center console and saw that it was Sam calling. _Fuck._ I answered. "Hello?"

"Cas, you have to get here quick..Dean...he's alive. Just hurry." He hung up. I placed my phone back down and relief washed through me.  
When I got back to the hospital, the same lady that I had spoke to earlier was still there. She looked up and smiled.

"He's in room 321, don't tell anyone I told you." I headed to the elevator and got in once the doors opened. I pressed the button for the third floor. There were two other doctors with me.

"Did you hear about that guy in room 321? Heard he came back from the dead, absolutely amazing." I smiled as the doors opened and I got off.

"Castiel," Sam was waiting outside of what I assumed to be Dean's room. Once I reached the door, Sam stopped me. "he's asking for you,"

I didn't even know what to say so I just walked in, pushing past the now closed curtains. And there he was. I grimaced at the injuries he had. His face was bruised up and he had bandages wrapped around his head. His eyes were closed. "C-cas? Is that you?" My heart ached at the sound of his voice. It was rough, almost like he had to force it out, which must of been painful.

"Yes, it's me. I'm right here." I pulled a chair over to his bedside and grabbed onto his hand, which was older than ice. I gasped. "Your hand...it's so cold.."

He lightly chuckled, "I think the doctors call it under-oxygenated."

That was amazing to me, how even in this kind of situation he was still smiling. "I'm so glad you're okay...I thought I lost you.." I squeezed his hand lightly, being sure not to hurt him. "I'm so sorry for the things that I said earlier..I was just angry. I didn't mean any of them, I love you, Dean. I do." A couple of tears rolled down my cheeks, which had made this the second time I had cried in less than 48 hours. 

"It's okay, Cas-"

"Please, don't say anything. Your throat will thank me for it later." I saw a small smile spread across his lips, which now that I looked at them, were tinted blue. _He really was dead.._ I was pulled from my thoughts when the doctor walked in, I was getting up to leave but Dean held onto my hand, and when I looked over to his, his eyes were finally open. He looked like he wanted me there. I offered a sly smile and sat back down.

"Mr. Winchester, I'm Doctor Wisthoff." He shook my hand and not Dean's, for obvious reasons. "I must say...I'm genuinely shocked." He stood at the foot of the bed, looking through what I assumed to be Dean's chart. "I was the attending on call when you came in, I heard car vs train and I knew that there wouldn't be much to salvage, but none the less, I still tried. Your brain was swollen beyond belief, so we had to intubate you right away, we brought you up to the OR and opened you up but by the time we had, you were already dead. No heart and lung sounds, your body wasn't responding to our tests. You were Dead, Mr. Winchester. And then you came back, fully functional cognitive skills, hell you're even talking which is a fantastic sign, I'm just baffled with as to what happened. You shouldn't be here right now, it's astonishing that you are."

"So you're saying that I had no chance of coming back?"

"Baby, please," he looked over to me when I called him baby and I blushed, "don't talk, okay?" He nodded and turned his attention back to the doctor.

"Medically speaking..no, you had no chance. Once we say time of death, our patients generally stay dead. We only do that once we are absolutely certain that the patient in question has no chance of being alive." He walked around to the other side of the bed, "with that being said, I'm just going to perform some standardized tests to make sure everything is functioning the way it should be. Is that alright?" Dean nodded and I watched as the doctor shined a light in his eyes, asking him to follow it back and fourth. Then he pulled out this weird looking thing, I don't even know how to describe it, to see if Dean was paralyzed or not. He wasn't. Then he checked Dean's Lungs and heart. "Well, everything seems to be in order.." The doctor looked beyond confused. "If you'll excuse me." With that, he exited the room.

"Cas, bring Sam in here please." I nodded and complied, bringing Sam in from just outside the door.

"Hi, Dean." He looked disheveled. "I thought we lost you there for a moment." 

"You did," Dean seemed...angry? "Sam, what did you do?"

"What are you talking about?"

"The doctor, he said I had no chance of living, he pronounced me dead, Sam. I was dead, I didn't just..come back by the grace of god or whatever." He paused for a moment. "You made a deal, didn't you?" My heart rate sped up but I kept a calm facade.

"What? No! Of course not. You made it clear that if you were to ever die, that you wanted it to stay that way. I respect that."

"I'm sorry but..what's a deal? I'm lost." I played the clueless card, and I guess it worked.

"A deal is something you make with a crossroads demon, most of the time they collect souls in exchange for something, a life for instance," Dean looked over to Sam and glared, then looked back over to me, "you watched me summon one a couple of days after you found out what I did for a living." I made an o shape with my mouth.

"Dean, I swear I didn't make a deal, I've been here the whole time, ask Castiel." He gestured over to me.

"Oh, I wouldn't know. I left after I uhh.." I looked over to Dean, and he knew what I meant. "I just couldn't handle being in this place knowing that you were here, somewhere, dead. I drove off to the vacant gas station on pierce, I just sat in the parking lot for awhile, and then Sam called to tell me what had happened and I came back as soon as I could." I hated lying, especially to Dean.

"Well, if it wasn't Sam, and we know it certainly wasn't Cas, then who was it?" After a couple of seconds, Dean spoke up again. "Dad?"

"No," Sam shook his head, "he uhm...Dad didn't even know, he's working a case in Arizona and his phone is off."

"Jesus.." Dean seemed to understand the extent of what had happened. "I died, and my own father didn't even know..."

"Well, at least that means we know that he didn't make the deal, that's good, right?" I tried to shed some light on the situation.

"No, Cas," Dean sighed, "that isn't good."

"Why not?" I looked from Sam, then back to Dean.

"Because," Sam chimed in, "if I didn't do it, and you didn't do it, and John certainly didn't do it, then we have no idea who did. And that could either be really good, or really bad." We were all silent after that.

 _I can't tell them. I can't._ I tried to make sure that I looked calm. _I'll figure something out._

 


	2. Time Is On My Side

_Castiel's P.O.V. . ._

 

I finished the last couple of gulps from the tequila bottle I was holding, it went down like acid. That's the thing about alcohol; No matter how much you drink, it still burned. Only, the burn was more than welcomed. I set the bottle down on my desk and walked into the bathroom connected to my room, flipping on the light switch so I could look at myself in the mirror. I grimaced at the dark bags under my eyes and my pale face. Sighing, I leaned against the sink, closing my eyes and taking in a couple of deep breaths. _The alcohol will kick in soon.._ I jumped when I heard a knock on the door. "Just a sec." I shut my bathroom light off and walked over to my bedroom door, opening it to reveal Sam, he seemed quite upset. "What's wrong?" Without a word, he pulled me into his arms and just squeezed. I instinctively hugged back. I felt him shake as he cried. "Shh, it's okay, Sammy." I rubbed circles on his back in an attempt to comfort him. "What's going on? Tell me what happened." My voice was just above a whisper.

"I don't know how to live without Dean." His voice was slightly muffled by my shirt.

"Sam.." My heart broke for him.

He pulled away, his eyes were rimmed with red and splotchy. "If he would've died.." his voice cracked and he sucked in a breath. "For the past 7 months I've been completely in the dark, not knowing if he was okay. I knew he wasn't dead, though. I felt it," he paused for a second, "but seeing him lying in that hospital bed as he flat lined...that fucking killed me. I thought that was it, I wasn't ever going to be able to see him again." The alcohol was starting to set in. "And I just didn't know what to do..I realized that I just simply didn't know how to live without him. I didn't know who I was going to go to those stupid parties with, I didn't know who I was going to call at 2 a.m when I was black out drunk, I didn't know who I was going to jam out with...all of these things, they're so simple. Small things. Things that you don't really ever think about until they're gone."

I nodded in understanding, because believe me, if there was anyone on this entire planet who could understand it, it was me. "I know how you feel, Sammy." I pulled him into a weird side hug. "But Dean's not dead. he's here. And he'll be out of the hospital in a couple of days. He's coming home, everything is going to be just fine."

"Yeah.." He rested his head on my chest and I smiled, rubbing his arm. "Cas, what's that?" He pointed over to my desk.

 _Shit_. "Sam-" He got up and walked over to my desk, picking up the empty bottle. I quickly followed. "It's not what it looks like."

"Really?" He turned around to face me, "because this looks just like a bottle of tequila." He set the bottle back down. "Castiel, you told me you were done drinking. And don't think I forgot about you telling me you were hungover three weeks ago when everything happened with Dean. This is the second time within a month." He looked hurt. "You promised you were finished."

"I know, Sam. I am..I just-"

"Bullshit! You said you were done when you ended up walking down the middle of a fucking highway when you were black out drunk, so forgive me if I'm a little bit skeptical." He crossed his arms over his chest. "You have Dean back, I'm here for you and you know that, you have Lucifer and John. Why won't you just talk to us? We can help, but you have to let us help, Castiel."

"Please don't mention Dean." _He's the reason I started drinking tonight in the first place._

"Why not?"

"Sam, just please-"

"No, tell me. Why don't you want me to talk about Dean?"

I was getting angry. "Sam!" He jumped back and I stopped, realizing that he had actually heard me yell until now. "I'm...I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..." I felt guilty. "Look, I'm the one who made the deal, okay?" I let out a heavy sigh. "I'm the one who summoned the crossroads demon and made a deal, I'm the reason Dean is still here right now." His eyes widened. "I sold my soul."

"How long?"

I looked down to my feet. "Two years."

"You fucking idiot," and suddenly, I felt a stinging pain radiate through my nose. Sam punched me. I felt hot blood gush from my nose and down my chin.

"Sam what the fuck!" I held my nose with my hand, blood now everywhere. "I think you broke my nose."

"Good, you deserve it." He glared at me. "You don't ever make a fucking deal with a demon, let alone for your soul. Not to mention Dean absolutely doesn't want that, so he's going to be extremely pissed when he finds out-"

"No, he can't find out." My voice came out sounding like my nose was stuffed. "Not yet, anyways." Sam raised an eyebrow at me. "I'm going to tell him...I just want to give him a chance to fully heal before I put this weight on his shoulders."

"Castiel, you have to tell him."

"I'm going to," I grabbed an old shirt out of my drawer and put it up to my nose, tilting my head back.

"I can't even believe you right now..." And with that, he walked out the door and slammed it shut, causing the photos that were framed on my wall to shake.

"Goddamnit." I groaned and sat down on my bed, keeping my head at a 90 degree angle. _He was literally a crying mess less than 15 minutes ago._ I kept the bridge of my nose pinched. _How did that change so quickly?_ My nose probably hurt really bad but I couldn't feel it, the alcohol had already begun to take its toll. _I just want to go to sleep._  
*******  
"Castiel," I felt someone lightly shake me, I couldn't decipher their voice, "Cas, you have to get up." Hearing it once more registered it in my mind, it was John. "Dean has been calling you for the past hour, come on." I groaned as I fluttered my eyes open, letting them adjust to the sunlight steaming into the room. It hurt like hell. "Hey, he's alive." John smirked. "Come on, Kiddo. Dean requested you specifically and I will not be the one to ruin his first day back home." John didn't look at this situation like Sam and I did, he didn't know that Dean had actually died in the hospital. He was clueless. All three of us agreed that it would be best to keep this from him.  


"Alright, alright." My voice was coarse and rough. "Dean wasn't supposed to be home for another two days. It's only Tuesday." I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and brushed a hand through my hair.

"Cas, it's Wednesday."

I shook my head. "No, yesterday was Monday."

"Nope."

 _I had been asleep for two days?_ "Jesus Christ," once I was up out of bed, I dragged myself to the bathroom and turned on the flight, flinching as the bright rays pierced my eyes. My hair was a mess, and I was paler than a ghost. "My god I look like I'm dead."

"Yeah, well," John leaned against the bathroom door frame, "Tequila will do that to you." I looked over to him, eyes wide. "Sam told me when I got home yesterday afternoon. It's alright, well, it's not, but I'm not going to give you the whole "drinking is a disease" speech. I'm just going to tell you that I'm here for you, so is Sam, and so is Dean. Your Uncle cares about you, too. Talk to us, Cas."

"I'm fine." I combed through my hair and made it less messy. After that, I was pretty much ready to go. I wasn't going to bother changing. "And Dean doesn't know about my..problem, could we please keep it that way? He has enough going on."

"That's up to you, Castiel. I'm not going to tell him but it'd be wrong of you to keep it from him." And with that, he walked out.

I sighed and shut the light off in the bathroom, walking over to my desk and grabbing my car keys and cell phone, turning it on. John wasn't lying, I had 13 missed calls and 9 texts, all from Dean and all sent within the last hour. "Fuck." I clicked his name and called back. It rang once before he picked up.

"Hey," My heart rate sped up just hearing his voice. "I've called you like..30 times," His voice was deep and gravely through the phone speaker.

"Yeah, I know. I'm sorry..My phone was off." There was palpable tension between the two of us. We hadn't really talked since that night in the hospital.

"I was worried..." His voice teetered off.

"Sorry.." We were both silent for a couple of minutes. "I'll be there to pick you up soon." I heard him begin to say something, but I hung up before he could finish. I let out a shaky breath. Why was that so hard for me? Shaking the question from my head, I trotted down the stairs and outside to where the impala was sitting. The car had been placed into my possession the day after Dean's accident, why, I wasn't too sure. It should have gone to Sam, or John. I got into the car, Baby, as Dean would call her. I was anxious to see Dean. If there was one thing I hated doing, it was lying to him. And that's exactly what I was going to have to do. Great.  
When I got to the hospital, Dean was in fact waiting at he front of a building, in a wheel chair. I pulled up next to him and got out so I could grab the bag that he had with him.  
Hey." He offered me a smile and I looked away, avoiding all eye contact. I could feel his disappointment. When his bag was in the backseat, I walked over to him to help him into the car. "I can do it on my own, I'm fine." He tried getting up.

"Dean, let me help you." I reached for his arm.

"Cas, I'm fine," he pulled his arm away and nearly lost his footing.

"Dean!" He stopped moving and looked at me. We finally made eye contact. "Just let me help you, please." He only nodded and I put his arm around my next, placing my arm around his back, offering some support. Once he was up, there was only two feet to go until he was in the passengers seat. I grabbed the seat belt and buckled him in, he gave me an odd look. "What's that look for?"

"Oh, nothing. It's just.." He paused for a second, "the only time I've ever heard you yell was then night of my accident."

"Maybe if you weren't so goddamn stubborn." I shut the door and walked over to driver's side, getting in.

"Cas-" he stopped himself, "Castiel, we have to talk about what happened." I started the car up and drove off. "You can't ignore it."

_I could for just a little while longer._

"Cas, please talk to me." I kept my eyes on the road and I could tell he was getting irritated. "Pull over." I ignored him. "Pull the damn car over, Castiel." This time, I listened, drifting off to the side of the road, I slowed down, coming to a full stop.

"Dean, I don't want to-" before I could finish my sentence, he had his lips against mine in a kiss. It felt magical, like something you see in the movies. My body gave in almost immediately and I began to kiss him back. Eventually, we had to pull away so we could breathe.

"Well, at least I know you don't hate me." Dean's voice was barely audible. 

"Of course I don't hate you." My voice was just as quiet. "I could never hate you." I stared into his bright mint green eyes, they didn't even look real from this close, and suddenly I was taken back to the first time we had ever kissed. It wasn't like in the movies, it was our own brand of romantic, as Dean liked to say whenever people asked. It was in the middle of a bar, and it was a moment I will never forget. I wish things could be as simple as they were two years ago...

"Castiel," Dean's voice pulled me back into the present.

"Y-yeah."

His face softened. "You zoned out there for a minute." I blushed. "Does this mean we're okay?"

"I don't know.." You still hurt me. But then again, I'm lying straight to your face so I guess we're even.

"That's okay, you don't have to know." He brushed his lips against mine. "You'll always be my moon."

"And you'll always be my stars."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think so far! (:


	3. Wishful Thinking

_Castiel's P.O.V. . ._

 

I had always wondered what dying would be like. Would it be painful? Would there really be a bright white light? Will I remember who I was before I died? All of these things...things that are unknown to me, they scare me. We, as people, are always afraid of the unknown. And death in and of itself, is an unknown. Every time I thought about it, my palms would begin to sweat and my heart rate would rise. Just the thought of dying, it scared the hell out of me. The idea that there might not be anything left after I'm dead is not a comforting one. And for me, I know death is inevitable. I knew that the second I gave my soul away to a demon. Now I was forced to deal with the aftermath; Constant anxiety. It never stopped. It's like one of those scratched up record players you get from your grandparents basement. It was on a constant loop and just would not let up. And I knew people around me were starting to notice. Dean, for starters. He'd asked me numerous times if I was okay and every single time I had to lie and tell him that I was fine because I couldn't just say "no, I'm really not fine because I sold my soul to a crossroads demon and I only got two years" I knew keeping this from him wouldn't be a good idea, because if he didn't find out from me, he'd find out from someone else and that would only be worse for me. I was debating with myself all night on if I should tell him or not. After about 8 or 9 hours, I had finally come to a decision; I was going to tell him. I AM going to tell him, but I need to find the right way, and most importantly the right time. Although, I don't think there really is a 'right time' to tell your..boyfriend, I suppose you could call him, that you sold your soul and will die in exactly two years.

"Castiel, John wants to talk to you." I was pulled from my thoughts when Lucifer called to me from the bottom of the stairs. Sighing, I got up and trotted down the steps. John was pacing the living room.

"Continue to do that and you're going to burn a hole in the ground," I chuckled. Almost immediately I could tell that he wasn't really in the laughing mood. "What's wrong?"

"Did you really.." he lowered his voice a bit, "sell your soul to a crossroads demon in order to keep Dean alive?"

 _Oh fuck._ "I, uhhh..I don't-"

"I know what happened when Dean got into the accident, one of the doctors told me today at his appointment. Now, I know Sammy ain't dumb enough to cross Dean like that, and I didn't think you were either but-"

"Okay, hold on. I didn't do it to cross Dean. I did it to save him. He didn't deserve to die, John. The only reason he was driving drunk in the first place was because of me. I was awful to him when all he was trying to do was mend things with me. He didn't do a damn thing wrong, and I was only saving an innocent teenage boy from having the rest of his life taken away."

"Castiel, Dean wouldn't want this-"

"How would you feel right now if he was dead?" John stayed silent. "Exactly. My life in exchange for his is nothing."

"Cas, you aren't expendable." He gave me a look of sympathy. "How do you think Dean's going to feel when he finds out that you sold your soul to a demon to save him?"

"I know it's going to piss him off and I'm one hundred percent ready for the backlash of my actions." _Well, not one hundred percent but we'll go ahead and pretend._

"This is a dangerous game you're playing."

I nodded. "I know." John just shook his head and left without another word. "Goddamnit." I put my head into my hand and mentally punched myself in the face.

"What's wrong, Castiel?" Lucifer walked into the room, concern plastered all over his face.

"I'm fine, Lucifer. Nothing's wrong, I'm just a little bit stressed out is all." I pulled my head up and offered a forced smile. "I'm going to go pick Dean up, we're supposed to go on a date tonight."  
*****  
I had been sitting in the truck, outside of Dean's house, for almost 20 minutes. _This is it. I'm going to tell him._ I tried to prepare myself for the worst. What is that saying? Hope for the best, expect the worse? Yeah, that applied directly to my life right now. Taking in a deep breath, I hopped out of the truck and walked up to the door, walking in without even a knock. I practically lived here, no one in the house minded. "Hey, Dean. I'm here." I had no idea where he was so I just called out to him.

"Alright, be down in sec." He was up in Sam's room. "Hiya, gorgeous." He walked out of Sam's bedroom and stood at the edge of the stairs, I could see him clearly from where I was standing in the living room. "Are we going out to dinner tonight? Or is it something else?" He trotted down the wooden steps. "You wouldn't tell me yesterday."

"Yeah, that's the point of a surprise." He shook his head and kissed me on the cheek. I smiled, not a forced smile, but a genuine one. Dean did in fact make me very happy, no matter how bad he had hurt me in the past. "Is Sam here?" He nodded. "Alright, go to the truck, I'll be there in a second." He seemed a little bit disappointed, but he still listened and headed outside to my truck that was parked in front of the house. I walked up the stairs and into Sam's room where he was reading a book, laying down in a position that couldn't not have possibly been comfortable. "Hey,"

He turned his head towards me, "Hi."

"I'm going to tell him." His eyes widened. "Don't look at me like that, I already feel sick to my stomach." I sat down on the edge of his bed. "I'm worried that he's going to hate me." Sam shifted his body so he was now sitting next to me. "I just got him back, I don't want him to hate me."

"Castiel, he won't hate you, he could never possibly hate you. However, he's going to be pissed. After you tell him, you'll need to give him some space. Let him cool down and release some steam. Just be prepared. It's a good thing that you're telling him before he finds out from someone else because believe me, it will mean so much more coming from you, whether he tells you or not." I nodded an got up, forcing myself to go downstairs and get into the truck. It was harder than you'd think.

"What uhh, what did you and Sam talk about?" He looked at me expectantly as I buckled my seat belt.

"Just wanted to say hi is all." I started up the truck and drifted into the street, driving towards wadsworth.

"Oh." He looked down to his hands and I could tell something was off.

"What is it?"

He shook his head. "It's nothing. Don't worry about it."

"No, tell me." I kept my eyes on the road.

"It's just that...you and Sam seem to have gotten pretty close these last 8 or so months.." He paused for a second, "I don't like feeling like I've been replaced."

"Oh, Dean, no. Sam is not going to replace you. You're still the guy I love and the guy I'd do anything for," _anything_ , "that won't ever change. Okay? So don't stress out about it, it's not good for you. Especially not right now." I placed my right hand on his thigh and rubbed small circles with my thumb, a reassuring touch, if you will.

"Okay." He placed his hand on top of mine and I smiled.

 _This is going to be harder than I thought.  
_ The rest of the drive was pretty much silent. When we reached our destination, Dean got out of the truck and smiled like an idiot. I followed him around to the bed of the truck. "Do you know what this is?" He nodded. I pulled the tailgate down, revealing some pillows and Dean's favorite blanket; A queen sized tiger blanket colored black and blue, it even had some white and gold in it. "I thought we'd lay down and watch the stars, you can see them perfectly from here." I looked up, admiring the stars that were sprinkled all over the sky. It was breathtaking.

"That's exactly what we did the first night we kissed." He looked over to me with nothing but love in his eyes. My heart stung knowing that the look he had on his face right now would most likely go away after I told him what I had done. "Are you trying to re-create that night?"

"No," i took my shoes off and got into the bed of the truck, Dean followed suit. "I'm just trying to remind you of all of the love we both felt that night and how happy you were.." We were laying side by side, I was staring into Dean's eyes. The lighting offered from the moon made them practically glow. They were mesmerizing. "Dean, I love you with every single fiber of my being, and I mean that." My voice was quiet. "You mean the world to me. I would do absolutely anything to keep you safe." He watched me intently. "I have to tell you something-" 

"Wait," he inturrupted and sat up, fishing around in his pocket for something, I couldn't see what it was from where I was laying. "I wanted to give this to you the night I came back but..it was clear to me that it wasn't the right time." His voice sounded sad, as if he was remembering that night. "Anyways, after my accident I thought I had lost it but it was found in the wreckage, still in perfect condition. I thought that was a sign..a sign that this was meant for you and I think now would be a perfect time to give this to you." He laid back down, only this time he was on back, not his side. He held up a black box and I kept my eyes fixed on it. Once he opened it up, I gasped. There was an absolutely gorgeous silver band with a streak of ruby red in the middle. The moonlight hit it just perfectly. It was truly stunning.

"Dean-"

"Let me finish." He cleared his throat. "This isn't an engagement ring or anything, that'll come later." I smiled slyly. "But it's a promise ring. I have one, too." I sat up and so did Dean. "I know you aren't a fan of rings because we don't need anything to symbolize our love for one another but-"

"I love it." I placed my hand on his neck and lightly kissed him. "I love you."

"I love you." Dean grabbed the ring and placed in on my ring finger. I just stared at it for a couple of minutes. "What uhh, what did you need to tell me?" He put the box back into his pocket.

"Oh, uhm," do you really want to ruin this moment? "Just that..." Come on, Castiel. You have to tell him. Tell him now. "Dean, this ring is gorgeous but," I took it off anf gave it back to him. He looked hurt. "Just wait until after I tell you this and if you still want to give it to me, I'll take it." Now he looked confused. "There's really no easy way to tell you this but," I idly messed with my ring finger, I already missed the feeling of the ring around it. "The night Sam called me and told me to come to the hospital, anxiety and worry immediately took over. And when I finally got there, and when I saw Sam walk out of that elevator...I knew what had happened, but hearing him say it, god, that was the hardest part. Saying it made it real and I didn't want it to be real; I didn't want to lose you." He looked like he was gripping onto very word I said. "I didn't know what else to do so I went to a crossroads, I already had everything I needed...I summoned a demon-"

"No," I didn't even need to finish my thoughts, he already knew where this was going. "Castiel, please tell me that you didn't do what I think you did."

"Depends..what do you think I did?" I offered him a small half smile in an attempt to lighten the mood, I don't even know why I thought that would work.

"This isn't a joke, Castiel." I couldn't tell what he was feeling. "You sold your soul, didn't you?" I didn't even bother nodding. "No, you didn't." He shook his head and hopped out of the bed of the truck, now standing in front of me. I sat there awkwardly.

"I did." My voice was barely audible.

"I can't believe you," he was definitely angry. "I cannot fucking believe you." I flinched at the tone of his voice. "How long did you get?" I shied away from the question. "Damnit, Castiel. How long?"

I avoided looking him in the eye. "Two years."

"Two years?!" He looked at me like I was the biggest idiot in the world. "I should have known," he threw a hand up in the air, "I should have known that it was you. You're the only one stupid enough to make a deal with a demon." He seemed to regret the words as son as they fell from his lips.

"Stupid? Me?" I was now standing up. "No, Dean. You do not get to call me stupid. I did what I thought was best, and because of that, Sam still has a brother to come home to and John still has you as a son. i did this to spare everyone in your life the heartache of losing yet another person. Don't you think your family has lost enough?"

"Oh please," he scoffed, "don't act like you did this for anyone but yourself." He was yelling now. "You did this so you didn't have to feel guilty for the rest of your life." That one hurt, maybe because it was partially true. "You never make deals with demons, Castiel. Ever." I wasn't even angry at the things he was saying, I knew it was wrong. "Now I have to figure out a way to clean up the mess you've made." He was seething.

"Does this mean you don't want me to have the ring?" My voice was barely a whisper. He seemed to stop for a minute. I watched the expression on his face shift from angry to regretful. "You don't have to give it to me. I just thought I should tell you."

"Jesus christ, Castiel." He took a step towards me so we were now less than an inch apart. "I want so badly to me angry with you..because what you did was reckless, but I just can't." He grabbed my hand and put the ring back around my finger. "I already know what it's like to lose you, I don't ever want to feel that again." He kissed my forehead. "I love you." 

 

**Author's Note:**

> If you guys liked it, show/share it with your friends! Give it some kudos and leave a comment??


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